Everyday Empathizing...

"See yourself in others

Then whom can you hurt?

What harm can you do?"

                           -The Buddha

While reading my pocket-sized book, "Dhammapada, The Sayings of the Buddha" recently, I found myself drawn to several quotes, some of which I felt compelled to circle for safekeeping. The one I offer above had a profound impact on me in particular.

But first, I must mention before I delve into expanding on the deeper meaning of these words, I am not a pacifist who would stand idly by if someone was coming at me or a loved one with intent to harm or worse. I would fight til there was no fight left in me in order to protect those I hold dear. So, in this entry I am not referring to a threatening exchange between some stranger and myself or you.


I am also not about to suggest that everyone is truly wonderful and angelic (this will make sense later). I am no Pollyanna and I realize there are some people who are just plain no good, no matter what. (Ever heard of "the bad seed"?) They either thrive on being evil, hurtful monsters or they simply relish destruction of everything in their paths. For the purposes of this writing, we are excluding that section of society...

What I found intriguing in the saying I posted was the suggestion that we should try to empathize more with those we encounter everyday. Find common ground and try to approach others with an open mind and heart, regardless of differences. From the homeless woman on the corner holding the cardboard sign pleading for help to the soccer mom wrangling a brood of kids in a bakery to a power couple dressed to the nines on their way out to a black tie wedding, try seeing each of them with thoughtful eyes. Search their faces and seek out the humanity behind their mask of expression, be it seemingly sorrow, frustration or arrogance. 

And be wary of knee-jerk labeling. None of us are walking one dimensions or characters in a bad play that deserve to be stereotyped and cast aside. 

Don't dismiss the homeless woman as perpetually hopeless and worthless, as she might have been beaten and abused and her only release from pain came in the form of a narcotic. Now her life is absorbed by chasing her next fix, drowning in addiction by the side of the road. Look at her. She is still human. She was once a child, innocent. 

Don't dismiss the soccer mom as eternally harried and less than cordial as she snaps her order over the counter while her gaggle of kids climbs all over her. She might just be having a bad day and her kids' misbehavior is adding to her stress.

And don't peg all upper class people as snooty, distant and obnoxious. Just because they are decked out in riches does not make them immune to misfortune or hard times emotionally or spiritually. Our culture likes to paint the wealthy as ridiculous and pompous without ever hearing them utter one word.

Therefore, if you make an effort to see yourself in others, another form of "do unto others", I believe, then perhaps you'll be less likely to condemn, more prone to patience and generally happier having let your judgemental guard down. 

Compassion replaces callousness, patience eases irritation, understanding eliminates ignorance. 


The last part of the saying asks, once you have seen yourself in others, whom can you hurt, what harm can you do? The moment you recognize the people around you as something other than strangers that have been placed in categories based on your culture's ideals or structure that you've been conditioned to perpetuate, you begin to realize how much you really have in common and the instinct to connect to them as opposed to unwittingly typecast them comes to the foreground. This is especially prevalent in a natural disaster. Complete strangers band together against terrible odds when faced with a shared tragedy. Acts of heroism are performed spontaneously. A determination to help one another cuts across all previously ingrained barriers.


Once you discover a new, more upbeat attitude in your everyday exchanges with everyone, you'll be amazed at the amount of positive energy you'll feel inside and receive in return.