I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Have you ever noticed that the vast majority of marriages in modern times, as hopeful and in love as the bride and groom truly feel on their wedding day, end despite having taken (literally) gravely serious vows? Nowadays more thought and preparation goes into the details of the day; the dress, the flowers, the venue, the hair, the makeup, the theme, than ever is addressed regarding the union itself. Even under the best of circumstances a completely compatible couple can find it difficult to adjust to sharing a life together forever. Unless, of course, both parties have been lobotomized.
Sooner or later those adorable little traits you just loved during courtship suddenly seem annoying or just plain gross. Things go from tense to terrible once the two of you settle into the reality of marriage. Because there's no longer a need to "be on your best behavior" or impress your significant other, all hell can break loose when common courtesy flies out the window with that expensive wedding china. Couples find themselves fighting and in those fights, unfortunately, where there once was a sensor keeping them from lashing out in fear of driving away their mate, character assassination can occur, which is the worst kind of damage done outside of physical harm. Cutting someone to the core with hideous words after vows were pledged promising to love and protect, can cause irreparable damage. Both people are left reeling after long term discord and if common ground cannot be found, more often than not there is no choice but to cut ties.
Obviously there are a myriad of reasons marriages break up, this is just one example.
And no, not every marriage ends in divorce. There are plenty of happy couples in the world. And those that aren't happy can be lead toward a healthier life together if both are determined to work on it.
But what fascinated me recently was another look at the standard marriage vows. I googled them. Here they are to refresh your memory...
I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
It occurred to me that there is another vow you exchange that's similar to the sacred wedding vow that does stand the test of time, that is not broken and can be honored, even without the need for legal bindings or a ceremony before a small army. If you're wondering who you've made that silent, serious promise to and them to you, take your eyes off of the one standing opposite you during the ceremony for a moment and turn to face the other direction. There she or he is. Your maid of honor, your best man. Your best friend. The one standing up for you at the alter. The one who knows you better than anyone... for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. The one you chose to help coordinate the plethora of wedding details has been there for you all along, probably longer than you've known your fiance, and will continue to care for you and honor you during your marriage. And, should you find yourself facing rough waters in your union, they will be there with a life raft and a big box of tissues.
OK, I realize that some friendships end, too. Sometimes it's the friend that runs away with your spouse. The worst case scenario. I am focusing on the forever friend here. The one that can always be counted on. The one you would move mountains for as they would part seas for you.
So, should you find yourself in front of a minister or a rabbi, a shaman or a priest, step into happily wedded life with the one who's holding your hands, but take comfort knowing the one behind you will always have your back.
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